APRIL FOOLS: B.C’s $16 billion Site C investment takes a plunge

FORT ST. JOHN, B.C – Site C workers are scrambling as a giant sinkhole has formed at the dam site. Premier Joh…

FORT ST. JOHN, B.C – Site C workers are scrambling as a giant sinkhole has formed at the dam site.

Premier John Horgan says the province is hiring a clone of Peter Milburn to write a report on the matter but is confident construction will continue. During his announcement Thursday, Horgan says the project’s setback will cost an additional $20 billion with a decade-long delay.

” ͞The project is facing new challenges, and we are committed to managing it in the best interests of British Columbians. Cancelling would cause people’s electricity rates to skyrocket, and we will not burden people with additional financial stress during these difficult times with nothing to show for it,” says Horgan.

Milburn’s clone says the name of his report will be: “Site C: This Damn Dam Will Definitely Fall Into a Smoking Hole in the Near Future”.

The province was contemplating providing funding to fix the Taylor bridge, but now more money has been sunk into the dam, adds Horgan.

A Site C protestor, who wishes to remain anonymous, believes this is Horgan’s lifelong dream; a money pit.

“We all knew this project was a smoking hole in the ground — we didn’t expect it would manifest itself as such so literally.”

MLA Dan Davies says the project was on time and on budget when the NDP took it over in 2017; now, it’s collapsing on itself.

“This is Horgan’s folly now, and he will sink or swim with it, or in it,” says Davies.

Workers cleaning up the site say they found several crates of the AstraZeneca vaccine, and what appears to be an alien spacecraft, but it turned out to be Trevor Bolin’s provincial election campaign vehicle.

If all else fails, BC Hydro says it may consider plans to build another dam over top of the hole, harnessing the gravity of the water plunging into the depths of the earth to operate the turbines to generate electricity. The power generated by the project will be used to power future provincial government boondoggles.

Anyone who has reached the end of this article, without just reading the headline, congratulations and happy April Fools’ Day. Excuse all media in the city as they will be taking a break today to cash “federal government cheques” to continue reporting on the COVID-19 pandemic.

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